Friday, May 05, 2006

Insights on: ANGER

Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis is a book that I highly recommend. The chapter on Anger (p. 129-139) provided me with some new insights that I would like to share...

*(p. 130) Anger lashes out at a target. The target is another person, group of people or the Universe. Anger is righteous and self important, Anger does not listen to, respect, or care about other people. It makes others wrong, to blame, inferior, or inadequate. It cares only about itself.

I believe that people who are used as the target of anger, continually and over long periods of time begin to internalize the anger, fear, frustration and rage directed on them. Behind every word and action is an energy. That energy creates an emotional impact that is felt in the body, and lived in our thoughts. If not dealt with or resolved, negative emotions such as anger and fear become real. Real in the sense that the anger, fear and frustration overwhelm the person so that they are no longer able to grow or express themselves. They are then controlled, and acting from a place of anger, fear, rage, frustration--or a combination of these. When energy creates an impact on the body, it is experienced in our mental and physical health. When the body is hit with negative energy such as anger or fear, those emotions create trauma. Anger will affect the thought process, will affect the way emotions are dealt with and will create stress or tension in the body. If the trauma is not resolved or healed, the body can become sick, the quality of life will decline. Mentally, a person will also suffer and may experience symptoms such as anxiety, fatigue, chronic pain, rage attacks, addictive behavior and depression. A person may ultimately decline to the point that they risk or loose their life. Often families are negatively affected by unresolved anger and become targets within its range.

When you are made the "target" of anger or abuse, you loose your identity and sense of self. If a person is exposed to abuse continually, they will eventually adopt the identity of being a “target”. They will change their behavior to suit the needs of the abuser, or suppress their identity as a result of the trauma they have experienced. When you have adopted the identity of a “target” you will make excuses for abuse, or ignore the dysfunction you are living in. Your new identity as “target” exists only to be victimized, so it will seek validation through abusive situations. You may not even realize you are in an abusive situation when the dysfunction becomes normalized. As a result, your identity no longer reflects the person God made you to be, but instead is controlled by what the abuser wants you to be. For the abuser, the "target" is a reflection of their own inner struggles. The target is dumped on because the abuser is avoiding their own problems, avoiding resolution. In relationships based on fear, intimidation and anger, true love is never experienced. The target is only needed, only has an intimate connection with the abuser when he/she is wrong, inferior, inadequate and a source of blame. Until the abuser has sought help, and really worked through their issues, they are not capable of honesty, love or reciprocation. The “target” also has to seek help in order to end a cycle of hurting and dysfunctional relationships. Breaking the cycle requires doing the hard work of seeking resolution (getting help ), and breaking free from the identity a “target” in order to be your true, authentic self.

In the book "Heart of the Soul", Gary Zukav and Linda Francis explore the different dimensions of anger and how anger can be healed. I thought these passages were particularily insightful:

*(p. 130-131) Discovering anger in yourself, or experiencing it in yourself, is like finding ancient pottery in the desert, or the tops of temples that were built millennia ago and now are buried beneath a surface of sand... Anger is the pottery on the desert floor. It is the trace of a buried building. It points to much greater discoveries waiting to be revealed. Anger is a minor discovery compared with the larger treasures that lie beneath it, waiting to be unearthed.

Beneath the layers of pain and tragedy, are positive attributes that can be used to rise above challenges or find healing. The legacy of an abusive relationship in a family leaves a lasting impression, that often is felt to the next generations. That impression can be resolved by taking steps to heal the root causes of anger and to find positive ways to cope with challenges.

*Beneath anger lies pain and fear. An individual who is continually angry is in continual pain. The chapter goes on to describe anger rooted in trying to control the world, and make it the way you want it to be (going back to fear--so you feel safe). Talks about rage being rooted in the sense of being powerless. Talks about anger being a sign that you have no self-worth. And talks about identifying issues, to heal the pain and heal yourself.

*(p. 137-138) When you feel you are worthless, you are terrified by your life and when you are terrified by your life, you are continually in the pain of trying to shape your life as you think it needs to be. When that pain is acute, you cover it with anger. You strike out at friends and perceived adversaries. You mistake kindness as weakness. You cannot imagine that others care for you because you do not care for yourself. You imprison yourself in a cell that you have created. You blame everyone else for being there.

In the book "Ordered to Return: My Life After Dying", George G. Ritchie Jr., MD discusses "hell" as being a reality that is self-created. When people remain fixed in anger, resentment, bitterness, and chaos they are creating "Hell". They are living in hell by holding onto negative emotions, thoughts, and energies then acting on them. Hell is the absence of love, having no respect for life or for God. Love is the opposite--life affirming, a connection to God, a sense of joy and happiness. I believe the greatest damage caused by anger is that it creates a divide in which you loose the sense of connection that is your Spirit grounding to life in your physical body, in this physical world. You can be empowered and assertive in constructive ways, without being angry. The difference lies in the foundation you create--whether it is hurtful or respectful.

*The chapter on anger ends with facing your lack of self worth. Using anger in constructive ways to confront problems, clearing the way for love to enter your life.
(p. 139) Your anger guides you into ever more effective ways of understanding, communicating, and caring. You become a gift to yourself and others. You step into your role as a soul on Earth, awake and aware, joyful and grateful, powerful and creative, compassionate and caring.

What else can I say..grin..ditto!



Links:

Ritchie, George G. Jr, M.D. Ordered to Return: My Life After Dying. Charlottesville, Virginia: Hampton Roads Publishing, 1998.

Websites About George Ritchie Jr. MD: George Ritchie - near-death experiences

Dr. George Ritchie's Near Death Experiences
http://tanaya.net/frpeter/grnde.html

Zukav, Gary and Francis, Linda. The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness. New York, New York: FIRESIDE, 2002.

Website: Seat of the Soul
http://zukav.com


One of my favorite CDs-- Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson: 2004. Kelly Clarkson is a pop musician who launched her career on American Idol. The songs on Breakaway deal with love, inner strength and healing from being hurt in relationships. The song “Because of You” has an excellent video about a little girl who grows up in an abusive home, and as a woman is seeking healing so she does not repeat the cycle of abuse with her own daughter. The song “Since You’ve Been Gone” has a funny, sarcastic video about a woman who gets revenge on her ex by breaking into the apartment he shares with his new girlfriend and trashing it (I love the part where Kelly is on stage wearing the ex’s hat and tie as a costume!). Songs on this CD also include: Breakaway, Behind These Hazel Eyes, and Beautiful Disaster (live).

Website: Kelly Clarkson - Official personal website with Kelly Clarkson lyrics, tickets, video, photos, music and more